I went full throttle into my Bachelor of Business studies about 1.5 years ago. I crammed 5 subjects a semester at times, with a 3 semesters-a-year structure to get that piece of paper to my name, pronto. The intention was, I needed to secure myself and calm the nerves of family. In my head, I thought the faster the better, so I managed to cram the usual 3 year degree into 18 months.
Now I’m just 5 weeks away from finishing up my last semester and I’m getting excited. I made a deal with myself that, yes I will finish this degree as fast as I can so that I can have the rest of 2014 to devote to my music. But now that I’m wrapping up a marketing degree under my belt, I’m excited to step into that pursuit too.
The trouble is, corporate and creative don’t go seamlessly hand in hand. If I were to chase being a professional in marketing, music would have to be placed on the backbench. If I placed music at the forefront of my endeavours, then the marketing shenanigans would be limited to petty stuff.
Music is complicated. I love storytelling, I love traveling and I love the richness it brings to my soul. But its also the very opposite. Sometimes the gigs aren’t a sharing platform and I feel violated when I take on those gigs where people don’t give a shit if you’re there or not but its what we gotta do to pay the expenses. Sometimes traveling means you’ve gotta cut corners and care for yourself less to be able to get there. Sometimes the poorness it brings to your wallet overrides the drive to keep on. Sometimes the large pool of talent is intimidating. Sometimes I just do not feel in the bloody mood to do anything music. Sometimes turning music into a job is a mistake. Sometimes its only the lucky few who get there. And that’s the hardest thing, knowing whether or not your music is a sustainable venture.
Whilst on the other hand, my talents for marketing are a little more stable. The halo around it screaming, “Hey, I can bring you security, shelter and sexy shoes” starts to get enticing. But is that what I really want? Is it just more alluring because it’s safer?
When should the odyssey end for soulful creativity? When do we throw in the towel? What do we do if fate eats up the soul we offered on a silver platter and we’re too old, menial and structured to go chase up a different career?
I don’t need fame, I don’t need leprechauns prancing towards me with pots of gold, I don’t need the world to know my music. But I need security. It is also in reality to have to consider that I am also a woman.
Most women have an expiry date in the music industry.
If I were to heighten my maternal instincts in future, then that would have to be considered as well.
And the insecurities that come with music multiply tenfold in my mind knowing what my mother went through to get me here.
As ‘growing up’ becomes more prevalent in my life, I am reaching a crossroad – passion or profession? What are your thoughts?
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